Christmas Blue’s

06 Dec 2009

Dr Chris Perkins from The Selwyn Centre for Ageing and Spirituality discuses the challenges older people can face at Christmas time… and how to help.

As a person gets older, it’s common for them to feel a sense of loss for the things many of us take for granted: inclusion, occupation, comfort, attachment, identity and of course love. These are important spiritual needs for everyone, but for older people at Christmas time these needs may be abundantly met or become painfully obvious. It is a time of great joy or conversely loneliness, sadness and disappointment.

Christmas is a time for relationships especially with family. But for older people, many of their loved ones have died or there are difficulties making contact one way or another – through geography, dementia, reduced mobility, and hearing impairment. Those who are estranged from family live with the hope that, at least at this special time, their relatives will make contact. Whether isolated in residential care or alone at home, many feel particularly deprived knowing that others are getting together to celebrate. And at the time of the year when they are most needed, volunteers or community caregivers are often not available.

Christmas is a time of activity. Some older people who would like to contribute are limited by physical or mental disability. However, there is always some way people can help, whether by assisting at the City Mission, setting the table, decorating the tree or giving advice on the cooking. Older people like to buy presents and send cards, but may need assistance. Whatever is done, even the frailest older person can feel satisfied that they have done their bit towards the festivities, so give them the chance.

Christmas is traditionally a time to go to church, even for people who have not attended during the year. Church has often been a very important part of older people’s lives; this can be a time to reflect on whether they would like to be more involved now. Caring churches have hearing loops, pastoral care teams and drivers to assist elders. Reconnecting with religious beliefs can help older people to flourish despite pain and disability, connect them with an accepting community and reawaken the sense of meaning in their lives.

Christmas is a time of connection. Christmas dinner is not about eating but about belonging. It is about being loved, about remembering those you have loved in the past and those who loved you. This Christmas the best gift you can give an older person is time and an ear to listen.

Words: Chris Perkins